making friends

The sproggets and I had a wonderful morning today. We went to the local Australian Breastfeeding Association meeting. It was just delightful. I left feeling ever so much better than I did when I arrived.

Both The Bubble & Babyman had a lovely time playing with the other children, inside & outside, while I had a lovely time speaking to other mothers in a sunny, warm room.

Just today they decided they’d probably start meeting weekly, instead of fortnightly. I do hope that happens. We now have something fantastic to do Friday mornings.

There were women there who I share mutual friends with, women who I really, really enjoyed meeting.

Through today’s meeting we’ve also been invited to a small Steiner inspired playgroup which I’m stoked about. The networking has begun & this evening I feel a little more fond of this town than I did when I woke this morning.

posted by wildecrafted in journal and have Comments (4)

my body is my own…

My body is my own, to do with just what I please. So long as I don’t use my body to harm someone else’s body or damage someone else’s things, it is not my problem if what pleases me does not please someone else.

It pleases me to leave the hair on my body, just where it grows.

It pleases me not to drip hot wax on my eyebrows or my genitals.

It pleases me to wear flat, comfortable shoes.

It sometimes pleases me to let my hair dreadlock.

It pleases me to have sex when I want to, and with who I want to.

I pleases me to breastfeed my child when he wants it, regardless of where that is.

It pleases me to birth unhindered, at home.

It pleases me to ask for physical affection, & respect the answer given.

It pleases me to be asked for physical affection & have my answer respected.

It sometimes pleases me to pierce my body & wear body jewellery.

It pleases me not to wear makeup.

It sometimes pleases me to shave my head.

It pleases me to dress for myself, not for others.

It pleases me to know in my heart that I am not property because my body is my own.

posted by wildecrafted in journal and have No Comments

I am NOT a housewife!

Over the last four years my role as a stay at home parent has been called into question countless times. Recently though I have been criticised for not being a good enough housewife because I expect my partner, a responsible adult, to do his fair share of the housework at the end of the day when he comes home from working outside the home.

I have 2 things to say about this, the first is not very nice so I won’t write it! The second, well…

I AM NOT A HOUSEWIFE!

In my role as a stay at home parent I have 2 young children depending on me all day. To list just a few of my duties, I dress them (or help them to dress themselves), change nappies & wipe bums, feed them, breastfeed one of them (giving of my physical body!), console them, answer their questions, play with them, take them out to socialise, read to them, sing to them, dance with them, pick up after them & ensure our home is a safe environment for them to be in.

Not only does Bean regularly get a full 8 hours sleep per night, compared to my average of 4-5 hours (due to me doing the bulk of the night time parenting with Babyman breastfeeding overnight), he also works a job with a set lunch break & smoko. Most days I don’t even go to the toilet without an audience! I work all day.

I do the food shopping for our whole family & I do it with the children in tow. I prepare at least 2 meals plus snacks each day for our children, I often get dinner ready also since Bean isn’t usually home until late of a weekday evening. I change 5-6 nappies per day & I do the bulk of our family’s laundry – including Bean’s laundry!

I can't credit this image to the original artist because no one else on the nerd has. If it's yours, do let me know.

Like Bean, I enjoy my job most of the time. Like Bean, I sometimes feel tired of my job because it’s physically & emotionally hard work. Like Bean. I sometimes want to swap roles, working out of the home seems very appealing some days.

I have temporarily given up my career to parent our children. This is a decision we are lucky enough to be able to make & we made it because it’s important to us that our children have a parent at home with them while they are young. Given that breastfeeding is also important to us, & I have the boobs, that job falls to me! As a result, while Bean’s earning capacity has increased, time spent out of paid employment has meant my earning capacity has decreased. That is a significant sacrifice to make for my family!

I have 2 children, not 3! Bean is an able-bodied, able-minded adult. If we did not live together he would be responsible for himself. Why assume that, since he lives with the owner-operator of a vagina, he no longer has to be responsible for himself?! Being a woman does not make me his slave. I am nothing to him but his equal.

Just as I am responsible for myself & responsible for providing for the needs of my dependent children, so is Bean. What is between our legs has no bearing on our responsibilities!

Our children are Bean’s children as much as they are mine. The fact that I care for them full time means Bean doesn’t have to worry about finding someone else to do it, nor does he worry about paying someone else to do it!

When I have furthered my study to bring my earning capacity in line with Bean’s & when our youngest child is no longer breastfeeding I intend to return to paid work. I’m really looking forward to it, actually. Eventually we will both work part time in paid employment & part time caring for our (unschooled) children.

As a student I will need to set aside time at the evenings & weekends to do my study. Being that Bean is their other parent, the children will spend that time with him. Neither of us view that as a chore, or an unfair expectation of him. His anatomy doesn’t disqualify him from being a good & involved parent.

While I am studying, then when I am working in paid employment, & Bean is caring for the children, as I do now, the housework & general household responsibilities will be divided as they are now – EQUALLY!

I am responsible for myself. He is responsible for himself. We are both responsible for our home, we are both responsible for our children & will continue to be until they are able to be responsible for themselves.

I am not a housewife, I am a woman*!

 

I originally published this with the last line reading,

“I am not a housewife, I’m a feminist!”

and another woman pointed out to me that being a feminist is a choice, but being a woman is not. She explained she thinks what I have described in my blog post should be reality for every woman simply because she’s a person, & that some men & women may read it & think something along the lines of,

“Well that’s your choice.”

So, I agreed & I have changed the post to reflect that.

Every stay at home parent deserves to have the work they do recognised for what it is, a job. Regardless of our sex or our gender, I believe no one in a partnership should be cleaning up after another able bodied, able minded adult as part of the role of stay at home parent!

posted by wildecrafted in home and have Comments (5)